Dear Samoan House Guests,

I appreciate all that you've done for us. You've weed eated the lawn on occasion. (or is that "weed-ate" the lawn.) You've cleaned up the jungle. You've occasionally washed dishes. (though I'm not sure if you used soap.) I'm incredibly grateful. My wild jungle almost looks like a manicured taro patch.

But you have to stop eating the Fruit Loops.

For the past week, almost every day I come home from work to find the two resting inside my house, playing xbox, and resting from a hard day's work. I'm sure you've spent your day at the top of a breadfruit tree, dangerously risking life and limb as you stretch for that perfect ulu. Other times, you're measuring the fale'o'o (hut) to see what needs to be replaced.

Yet, when I open my front door, it's apparent such hard labor has generated a substantial appetite. Bread crumbs are everywhere. Ice cream sandwich wrappers are scattered about. Normally, there's a fresh pitcher of red koolaid somewhere on the counter. I get it. You're hungry. Just stop eating the last of the Fruit Loops.

My children cry and my wife becomes irate when they can't eat their bowl of sugary goodness each morning. You don't understand the wrath of an upset wife and non-glucosed kids! In our house, cereal is for breakfast... not lunch, dinner, and dessert. Yes, it is fortified with vitamins... Yes, it's probably the most nutritious item you may eat all day... but that's beside the point.

Feel free to use the internet. Feel free to play Xbox. Feel free to eat anything contained in a tupperware container. You're even free to eat the frozen vegetables in the freezer (though I know that's the last thing you want. Perhaps I should hide the cereal by surrounding it with broccoli.) Feel free to take all the coconuts and bananas that you need. My fale is your fale... except for the cereal. Faamolemole.

Please resist the temptation to eat an entire bag of cereal. At the bare minimum, leave a couple of crumbs for the kids.

Sincerely,

me

nuff said.