Sometimes, I'll speak in Samoan so that only Jaime and the kids know what I'm saying. Unfortunately, my childrens' Samoan skills are even worse than mine. Still... I randomly catch myself accidentally speaking Samoan.

The cashier at the Pump-N-Go shot me a strange look today after I slipped a "Faafetai" upon receiving $0.53 in change.

The strangers at Carabbas may have thought I was filled with the Holy Ghost when I slipped by and started mumbling "Tulo" the other night.

In my mind, I'm being polite. Unfortunately, people probably think I'm crazy.

old habits, die hard.

fa

'nuff said.

For years, I chalked up the idiocy of the Samoan government as... well... cultural. I blamed the poor customer service on fa'asamoa. Power outages, five hour waits in the "emergency" room, racist laws, inferior road designs, theft, corruption, obesity, drunkenness, constant lies... the gamut... all the result of a faulty culture.

But I was wrong. Culture was simply a scapegoat. After much thought, and some deliberation (at least 5 minutes), I've determined culture had little or nothing to do with our hassles in AmSam.

In AmSam, there were and are plenty of problems... but it was not a culture issue... it was a stupidity issue. Yep. Stupid. Dumb. Idiots. People are inherently stupid. We have an innate ability to make poor decisions, more often than not.

It's not just AmSam, though... it's everywhere. There are idiots everywhere, including S.Carolina. Before moving to AmSam, I didn't realize my own culture's idiocy. Somehow, I had been calloused to the idiocy in my own backyard. A different environment just make stupid more recognizable.

S.Carolinians are incredibly stupid... just in their own way. An Orangeburg mom just murdered two of her kids, strapped them in the back seat of her car, and pushed the car in a river. Amazingly dumb. It would not likely happen in AmSam. Samoans love their kids. Government administered foster care is virtually nonexistent because it's not needed. Families step up. Neighbors step up. Everyone pitches in to help.

AmSam and S.Carolina are incredibly different: different people, different values. But, we're all the cut from the same stupid mold.

'nuff said.

For all you cyberstalkers out there who don't have access to my Facebook account, and are dying to know where our family is... Ordinarily, I wouldn't tell you... because I'd want to protect my valuable home assets. But, since I own nothing of value, here it goes...

We're living in Aiken, SC. Jaime is teaching five classes of Chemistry at S.Aiken. Colt, Ally, and Julia are attending Millbrook Elementary.

We're adjusting... slowly.

I'm a bum... for the time being. I just haven't found the right job. I'm obviously spoiled. Nothing compares to working in the South Pacific, at your own firm.

If you'd like to break into my house... think again. We're bunking, for the time being, with Jaime's parents. The house is guarded by 100 dogs. But, if you're really intent on stealing my stuff... just ask nicely... I'll be more than happy to give it to you.

'nuff said.

Colt has been reunited with his long, lost, four-legged pal Maxine. Good times. But I still can't get over the dog market here.

People actually pay for dogs! go figure.

Not only do they pay for them... they'll routinely pay $500 for a "pure breed" canine. Unbelievable.

Why? I don't know. Kentuckians breed with each other and we don't see a high demand for their offspring.

My favorite mother-in-law breeds Eskies and Siberian Huskies... in S.Carolina. Now... far be it from me to question my favorite mother-in-law who has graciously babysat and allowed us to take over the spare bedroom... but... I have no idea how she doesn't operate in the red. Today... a handful of puppies escaped into the woods behind the house. That's like an employee running off with $1000.

Perhaps selling Kentuckians would be more profitable.

'nuff said.

Leave it to a bunch of lawyers at the American Bar Association conference to say what everyone else in the states refuses to say...

AmSam isn't part of the United States.

http://www.abanow.org/video_player.swf?id=13232

It's a shame. That's at least one free trip per year a helpless lawyer could have had to the ABA conference. (insert shed tear here)

Of course... this is the same group that refuses limit accreditation for law schools. Genius. (insert sarcasm here). Perhaps AmSam should open up its own law school. First year classes could include Coconut Torts; Contracts for Remittances; and Kruse Procedure.

'nuff said

Dear Random White Toddlers and 5'6 blonde Lady:

I'm sorry. I thought you were my daughters. To the 5'6 Blonde Lady in Walmart looking at pillows... I thought you were my wife. Ooops. My mistake.

Apparently, it's easy to spot three fair skinned palagis in a room of Samoans. Whereas spotting your three kids in a room of a hundred fair skinned kids... not so easy.

I suddenly feel like a bad father.

At the playground, I've randomly snatched various kids from the dirt, looked at their faces, and then released them back to the mud from which they came... until I finally located the white-skinned kid I can call my own.

Unfortunately, the same concept is true when locating Jaime. I've quickly learned... don't come from behind and give Jaime a hug. Over the past couple of months, I've come close to "assaulting" a dozen different women... on accident of course.

Now, I have to pay a bit more attention. I have to look at the clothes... the distinct figure... the posture. I can't just assume that the 5'6 blonde looking at pillows in Walmart is my wife.

So, please accept my apologies. I'll be sure to be more careful next time.

sincerely,

P-Daddy

New Zealand provided a nice winter for us... just like I prefer my winters... cold and short. As in, four days short.

You'd think summertime in the Southern U.S. would be an excellent time to acclimate to the "real world." Yet, everyone in the U.S. LOVES their A/C. (no longer called "aircon" as it was affectionately referred to in AmSam.) We're freezing... especially the kids.

Despite the triple digits outside, church buildings are freezing their way away from hell, grocery stores are posing as Arctic weather stations, we order hot chocolate at Dairy Queen, and people's homes are so cold Allyson needs a defroster to cry.

At night, we bundle up with down comforters. During the day, we let the kids bring blankets into restaurants.

Since we've yet to adjust to wearing shoes everyday... our toes are popsicles. I routinely check for frostbite.

People don't care about the expense of running Air Conditioners. It's cheap (relatively).

Next blog... wearing shoes to combat the cold.

'nuff said.

Wow. Where to begin?

I've spent the past five weeks in six countries.... 16 beds... 6000+ miles in a car with the fam... And no badge to show for it. Though, I'm considering making my own hat... "I survived the Murphy vacation of '10."

I'm considering changing the blog title to Samoans in America. Somehow, over the past 4years the world has changed... And we with it. What once was ordinary, is now unique and new. What once was dreary, has now evolved into an exciting adventure.

I.e.... Julia: "look a goat. Look another goat. Look!

Who knew a goat would be exciting? I spent years working with goats... And to this day... They don't excite me. Yet, to a 4-yr old raised on a tropical island void of ranches, a dull, drab, aging grazing billygoat is as exciting as seeing a lion hiding in the Savannah grass of the serenghettti.

And for me, the world has changed into a new creature. People text rather than talk. People don't just randomly stop their cars to allow an unknown driver to pull out in front of them. I'm even writing this on an I-pad. It's painfully laborious to type.

So, as we re-enter the known and the unknown, I'll try to chronicle our adventures... Not as spoiled Americans venturing into an underdeveloped territory.... Rather... As an outsider forging new paths.

'nuff said.

Don't visit the banks on the first weekday of the month (Social Security checks are released and cause a huge line for those waiting to cash them).

Don't visit the banks on bi-weekly government paydays or the day after payday. (lines so long you'd think you were waiting the world's biggest, best roller coaster.)

Don't visit the banks on a Monday. Everyone and their cousin has written checks they can't cover over the weekend. Thus, they rush to the bank to make sure they're not charged with an overdraft fee.

If by chance gov't payday and SSI day occur on a Monday... a Perfect Storm results... causing mass hysteria, short tempers, and a lot of really happy Samoans ready to play Bingo.

Don't wait till Sunday to get cash from an ATM. (People load up on cash on Fridays and Saturdays... usually rendering the ATMs inoperable by Saturday night.)

Don't expect to find anyone at their desk on lunch hour. Government office lunch hours tend to run two and half hours per employee.

Sleeping on the job isn't just O.K.... it's encouraged. (we've fired more than one employee for this offense. and generally, they're appalled that there's a problem.)

Comp time is a secret way to funnel cash from your gov't employer. It becomes a secret way to pay for off-island trips, early retirement cashouts, and insurance in the case you should catch the ebola virus.

Money is dirty. It's not illegal... i'm just sayin'... it's not clean. Somehow, dollar bills look as if their previous owner threw it in the ground, stomped on it, used it as an address book, cleaned his teeth with it, and then blew his nose with it.

Credit cards are not widely accepted. Even Cost U More will occasionally go for weeks wherein they cannot process credit card payments. Thus... CASH IS KING.... even if it is nasty.

If you pass a bad check... be prepared to see your name listed in the newspaper and on the store wall.

'nuff said

Being unemployed sounded like a great idea two weeks ago.

Suddenly, with unemployment looming seventeen days from now... I'm not so sure this was a good idea.

I should document my hair and weight loss over the next month.

'nuff said.